Not pregnant yet:joke

Woman : To the Airport please (to a taxi)
After 10 minutes the Taxi driver, watching the Woman in the Mirror and says : You are third pregnant woman that I had driven to the airport today...
Woman : Nonsense! Are you kidding me, I'm not Pregnant
Driver : Well you haven't arrived to the airport yet.....

Sandle lock: joke

Drilling?? joke!

Cutting Onion

Milk boiling with Iron joke:

Modern Bycycle: Funny picture

Math teacher joke:Irritate to Maths

A boy called up his Maths Teacher........
His wife picked up the phone and said "he died last week"
Next day boy called again..
She again picked up and said "I told you, he died last week"
He called the third time..
Wife said "he died.. why do you keep on calling again and again??"
Boy: "Because Its nice to hear that he died"..:

Fat wife jokes:Call to police

A thief entered in a house, suddenly the fat wife woke up & caught that thief & sat on his back......
Fat wife (To her husband)--"Go & call the police."
Husband started searching something under the bed......
Wife-What are you searching for?
Husband- My slippers.
Thief-Take my slippers & go quickly......ooohhh..

Banta Jokes:Ask three questions..

Banta to Lawyer: What is your fees?

Lawyer: Rs 5000/- for 3 questions.

Banta: Isn't it too high?

Lawyer: Yes, it is. What is your third question?

Ladies Joke:Abortion

Lady to Doctor :
when I was unmarried , I had 6 abortions ... Now I am married, but can't get pregnant...

Dr. : You are a "Wild Bird" you cant breed in a ZOO...

Exam joke:

Surprising joke: surgery joke

“A boy after spending great time with his beloved
and he saw a guy’s photo in her bag then he asked to her
Is he ur X Boy Friend?
.
.
.
Girl Friend kissed him and said "No dear thats me before surgery".

Technology joke:

football joke:Without ticketing

Demand of women:joke

Husband was seriously ill and admitted to the hospital.
Doctor said to his wife:
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood everyday
Don't discuss your problems, No TV serial, don't demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 year & He will be fine.
On the way home.
Husband: What did the doctor say to you?
Wife: No chance for you to survive

Girl for Shopping:Girls joke

Girl : I'm not feeling Well ..
Boy : That's too bad. I thought of taking you for a Shopping
Girl : Oh! I'm OK ... I was Just Joking 
Boy : Yeah me too Joking common!!

Ear of orange:joke

Over speed: Meet with wife

Judge: Whats the proof that you were not over speeding?
Man: My Lord, I was going to my in-laws place to bring my wife back.
Judge: Oh! So, case dismissed!! right now.

Naughty Joke:Nonesense girl

At hospital:
Doctor: "Baby tell me which bastard made you pregnant?
Daughter "leave it doctor, if you eat 15 bananas, can you tell ....
which banana made you fat?"

Smart Boys joke: Boy and Girl

Wife : Its my bad luck that i married with you, otherwise, lots of smart boys were interested in me..
Husband : Of course they must be smart , thats why they escaped from you........

Married life joke: go to hell

Wife: Why are you home so early?
.
.
.
Husband: My boss told me to go to hell..

Funny Picture: Great funny pictures

Computer joke: letter of keyboard

Dear Computer users,
 

I do appreciate your kind attitude towards the other keys of keyboard
But 1 question.
Why do you press all keys softly and hit me with all your power......?

Yours sincerely,
   Enter Key

Married Boss of an office: Office joke

Boss attached a notice in office, "I'm the boss, don't forget it".
When he returns from lunch, someone wrote under it,
"Your wife called here, she wants her notice return back at home soon"

Pakistan Vs America: Religious Joke

A Paksitani boy took admission in an American Unversity..

Teacher : What is your  name ?

Boy : Nadir

Teacher : No, now you are in America so your name is Jhony from today.

Boy went home and mom asked: How was your first day at College Nadir?

Boy : I'm an American now, call me Jhonny.

Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him.

Next day he was back to school..

Teacher: What happened Jhonny?

Boy: Madam, just six hours after when I became American I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists

Value of men:Thief joke

‎Two Terrorists having A discussion in a restaurant.
The waiter ask them "sir what the discussion was about?"

Terrorist: " We are planing to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey."

Waiter: what !! but "Why donkey?"

Then another terrorist tells the other.
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people....

War joke: soldier shouldn't be discouraged

Solider: Sir We are under attack! 
Officer: Bring my red shirt! After The War finished... 
Soldier: Sir why did you wear red shirt? 
Officer: So that if I get shot my blood will mix with the color of the shirt And the soldiers will not be discouraged.|
After few days 
Soldier: Sir Enemies 1000 tanks are coming! 
Officer: Bring my Yellow pants.....

Babies of this time

Girls are Clever: Girls joke

Question: Why do most of girls spend much time on improving their looks not their minds.
Ans: Because they know that men are STUPID  but not BLIND..

Duck out: Cricket jokes

A man rang labor room of hospital to know about his pregnant wife.
By mistake he dialled the number of a cricket stadium.
Man: How’s it going?
Reply: Fine, four are already out. The last one was a duck.

Give me your ID:Joke

A Girl was chatting with an unknown person.
.
.
.
Unknown: Hey pretty! Could you give me your MSN?
.
.
Girl: Oh yes sure
its--ihaveaboyfriendandilovehimalot@getlost.com
.
.
.
Unknown: and mine is--
iamyourfather@uaredead.com

Girls like Icecream: Boy and Girl jokes

Girl demanded for ice cream.
Boy purchased it.

Girl: Thank you
Boy: Only thank you?
Girl: I know, You want a kiss..
.
.
.
.
.
Boy: Shut up, Give me half of the ice cream

Alert Managers! Terrorists Notified in the Office

Building Security has notified us that there have been 5 suspected terrorists working at our office. Four of the five have been apprehended. Bin Sleeping, Bin Loafing, Bin Gossiping, and Bin Surfing have been taken into custody. Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the fifth cell member, Bin Working, in the office. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Bin Working will be very easy to spot. They thought they had apprehended Bin Working sitting at a desk, but it was actually Bin Surfing trying to impersonate Bin Working.

Sardar went to America: Sardar Vs Obama

Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Obama.

Obama: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. He takes him to a forest.

Obama : Dig the ground. Sardarji did it.

Obama : More….More…More… Sardarji went upto 200 Feet.

Obama : So now, try to search something.

Sardarji : I got a wire.

Obama  : You know, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones.

Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Obama to India. Next year Obama was in India.

Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. The same…he takes Obama to a forest.

Sardarji : Dig it. Obama does.

Sardarji : More….More…More… … Obama goes upto almost 500 feet.

Sardarji :Try to find something. Obama tries.

Sardarji : Did you get anything?

Obama : No, there is nothing here.

Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 500 years ago, we used to have WIRELESS!!

How the men cheat with their wives: Jokes

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. 
A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.

Russian Joke: pen vs pencil

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

Sardar in Capital: sardar joke

A Sardar went to a bank to open an account for save money.

After seeing the form he had gone to Delhi for filling it up.

You know why?

Form said: “Fill Up In Capital”.

Birthday gift: father to son

Dad: Son, what do u want for your 18th birthday?

Son: Not that much dad, I  want just a radio with a sports car around it.

Quality of WOMEN: Nice joke

Five Important Qualities of women:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good and simple as well and who likes to be with you. 
5. The must important is that these four women do not know each other.

Where you want to go:Ladies with an old man

A Russian lady went to Paris, and got lost at the streets

and she asked to a police for directions

LADY:Excuse me sir, where does this street go?
.
.
Polioceman replied .
.
.
I am sorry mam,i am here for 5 years and walk this road a thousand times but

i have never seen that street go anywhere!!

Abraham Lincoln joke: with Student

Teacher : What happend on 1908 ?

Student : Abraham lincoln was born !

Teacher : what happend on 1918 ?

Student : Abraham lincoln was 10years old

Born in Russia: Born Joke

Interviewer: Where were you born?

Seeman: Russia.

Interviewer: Which part?

Seeman: ummmmm!! Whattttttttttttttt , whichhhhhhhhhhh part !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, oh whole body was born in In Russia.

Wife like a moon: student joke

One day a teacher was talking about marriage in the class...

Teacher : What kind of wife do you like Johnny?

Johnny : I want a wife like the moon..

Teacher : Wow! what a choice. Do you want her to be beautiful and calm
like the moon?

Johnny : No, I want her to come at night and disappear in the morning

Beautiful daughter: joke

Sir:what is the difference between truth and comedy?

Student: Your daughter's beauty is truth but she is your daughter is a big comedy...

Anniversary joke:

Husband : Where do you want to go for this anniversary?

Wife : I want to go somewhere, I've never been before

Husband : Try to go to Kitchen!

Business of Beggar: joke

Beggar : Sir, Please give me some money

Man : I have no change

Beggar : I have the change, How much would you like to give?

Neighbors help: joke

A New Teacher Joins a School
she Finds, Two Boys Similar In Appearance ;
Teacher : ARE YOU TWINS ??
Boys : No mam, We are neighbors...

Hitting with bat: Husband and wife

Wife comes home late at night ,
And quietly opens the door to her bedroom

From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two

She founds a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can

Then she goes to the kitchen to have a drink As she enters , she sees her husbnad there , reading a magazine
''Hi Darling'', he says
''your Parents have come to visit us, so let them stay in our bedroom
Hope you have said hello to them....

Lady on phone: Ladies joke

Lady On Phone:
"Hello Sir, I want To Meet & Talk To You.
You Are The Father Of One Of My Kids."

Man Is Stunned and says:
What happened again
R U Jessica?
No.
Pamela?
No.
Anna?
No
Christina?
No.
Joella?
No.
Elissa?
No.
===

===

===

===

===

===

===
Lady in confusion:
"Sir, I am The Class Teacher Of Your Son."

Forgot the scooter key: Joke

One day evening Shanta starts from office to home with pushing his scooter. He met his friend on the way…

Friend : Why are you pushing your scooter?

Shanta : I forgot to bring the scooter key from home.

Friend : Then, how did you come to office from home in the morning?

Shanta : I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.

Love your country: chance

Height of Patriotism:

A Girl Watching Football Match with  Painted The National Flag On Her Face... !
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A Clever Boy Kissed and Said,
"I Love My Country" very much

Funny Picture

Don't eat dirty fruit: Dog jokes

Shopkeeper:Madam, your dog is eating my fruits...
.
.
.
.
Madam: Hay! Tommy, Bad habit.... Don't eat without washing them