Call to police: thief jokes

WIFE :Hey look there is a theif in our house and he is eating the cake which i prepared for your birthday

Husband : So Whom should i call , Police or Ambulanc?

Love to wife: thief jokes

A police asked to a thief
“Why you went to steal 3 times in the same store?
:
:
:
The Thief replied, “Sir, I stole a dress for my wife, and I went to change it twice

Gift to girlfriend:girls joke

Boy : I Love you
Girl : Hahahahahaha

Boy : I Won't live without you
Girl : Hahahahahahaha

Boy : I will die for you
Girl : Hahahahahahahaha

Boy : I will gift you a Gold Ring
Girl : Awwwwww.. Pakka ?? 

Mad Doctor Joke: Poisonous

Mike's legs become blue color and went to doctor
Doctor: Oh! better to cut your legs as soon as possible....It's Poisonous
At last cut his legs.... 
Mike Return after two days to doctor again    
Doctor: Again become blue.....
Sorry Mr. Mike.. the blue color is from your pant.....

Husband and wife joke:new brain

Husband:I am sure that your brain is as good as new..
Wife:How can you say that?
Husband:Because you never used it

Obama Joke: Become idiot

John calls WHITE HOUSE
John: I want to become the next president of USA ..
Obama: Are you an Idiot ?
John: No , Why ? Is it Compulosry to become an Idiot for president? 

Don't lie with friends: Purse forgot, joke

Girl : I forgot my purse at home and I need Rs. 2000 urgently. Please Give me?
Idea of Boy
Boy : Take Rs. 20 and go home bring your purse...

Mahatma Ghandi: Rolemodel......, joke

Dad : Who is your Role Model ?
Son : Mahatma Ghandi
Dad : GREAT !! Why ?
Son : He Married at the age of 13

Bluff call joke: Girl's thought....

Unknown call...
He: Do you have boy friend?
She: Yeas, but who are you?
He: I'm your brother! just wait till i come home.
Next unknown call:
He: Do you have boy friend?
She: No! No! I don't have any boyfriends.
He: What? oh! I'm your boyfriend, you just break my heart..
She: No No No darling I'm sorry i thought you are my brother..who just bluffed me
He: Nice! I'm your brother just wait till i come home.......I will show you!!

Woman joke: Formula of know the women

Perfect Son, joke

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Rusia to USA, joke

Once a Girl meet the God!!
Girl : Make a road from Russia to USA
God : Its very tough , ask something else ?
Girl : Make boys to love only one girl :
God : Do you want single or Double Lane to USA ? 

Boys don't open books....

A Boy loved his classmate. He proposed her.

Girl refused and complained to principle.

Principle fired out and banned him coming to school for a week.

Boy came to school after a week.

Girl realized her mistake and wrote,"I am sorry and I love you too", on boy's book.
Boy didn't reacted and 9 months passed.
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Moral: Boys don't open their books.

Teeth Vs Star, jokes

Boy: Your Teeth are like the stars.
.
Girl: Oh Really! Thanks, Are they that much Shining??
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.
Boy:- No, They r Far away from each other!

Go and Play Outside.....

A plane was transporting mentally impaired patients & they were making noise too much. One mad entered in Pilots cabin.
Mad: Hey Mr Pilot Teach me how to fly a plane.
Pilot: I will, but under one condition.
Mad: Whats the condition?
Pilot: If only you can get your friends to keep quiet.
Mad: Okay.
(5 minutes latter the plane is quiet).
Pilot: Wow, how is it possible?
Mad: I opened the door & told them to go and play outside...

I don't have to pray!

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Sorry wrong number....

Sardar make a call to his home.
Servant picked the phone.
Sardar: Give phone to my wife.
Servant: She is sleeping with her husband.
Sardar: But I am her husband calling you from my office.
Servant: Now what to do?
Sardar: Kill both of them.
After killing......
Servant: What to do with dead bodies?
Sardar: Put them in our swimming pool.
Servant: But there is no swimming pool in home.
Sardar: Sorry wrong Number...

Specialist of Pneumonia

Doctor: What happened?
Patient: I have fever.
Doctor: (After checking)........ ok go back to your home; take a bath with ice water, then lie under fan for 12 hours without any clothes and come back tomorrow.
Patient: I will be fine then?
Doctor:No, you will get Pneumonia.
Patient: What?
Doctor: Yes, don’t worry. I am only a Pneumonia specialist.

Father passed away...

Father: Go hide, your teacher (madam) is here because you bunked school for some days....
Son: No Dad you go and hide, she is coming here because I told her YOU PASSED AWAY last week...

Titanic, joke

Help! Help! Help!.... The Titanic is going to be drowned....

Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian Drunkard asks the nearby an Indian in the ship.
Italian: How far is land, from here ?
Indian: Two miles .
Italian: Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian: You man!! Just tell me which side is land two miles from here?
Indian: Downwards...

Wife Wanted....., jokes

An unmarried man wrote his status on Facebook:
"Wanted wife"
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2 girls liked it
&
222 men commented........."please my wife is free"

Help or F1

A Computer Engineer
was falling down from roof of a building,
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.
.
.
And shouting F1, F1, F1,
Instead
of help, help, help .

Boy Vs Girl, marry, jokes

Boy : I Love You
Girl : Shut Up..!
Boy : I Need You
Girl : Shut Up..!
Boy : I Miss You
Girl : Shut Up..!
Boy : I Want To Marry You
Girl : Oh Really??
.
.
.
Boy : Shut Up....

Searching expiry date, joke

Wife: Honey, what are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing
Wife: Why have you been reading our marriage certificate for half an hour?
Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date of this certificate...

Why are you early, jokes

Husband came home & finds his wife with another man.
Wife : Why are you early?
Husband : who is he?
.
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.
.
Wife : Don't try 2to change the topic

Memorable kissing, joke

A biker saw a girl about to jump off a bridge. so he stopped his bike
Biker: what are you doing?
Girl: Going to suicide.
Biker: Well, before you die I want to kiss you please?
Girl : Okay.
After kissing
Biker: Wow! that was the best kiss in my life, but why are you committing suicide?
Girl: Because my parents don’t like me dressing like a girl.
Biker Jumped off The Bridge.........

Funny Picture-Suicide

ways to catch a Tiger, Joke

3 Ways To Catch a Tiger 
1- Newton's Method... Allow The Tiger To Catch You & Catch The Tiger
2- Einstein's Method... Chase The Tiger Until It Becomes Tired and Then Catch It. 
3- The Police Method... Catch A Cat & Beat It Until It Accepts Its a Tiger.

Power of girls, joke

Power of Girls: A Boy Makes a Mistake,
Girl Scolds him,
Boy says"Sorry"
Next time Girl Makes a Mistake,
Boy Scolds her,
Girl Cries
Again, Boy Says 'Sorry";-

Drunkard Still Celebrating....

Wife: Look at that drunker...

Husband: Who is he?

Wife:10 years back he proposed me & i rejected him...
.
.

Husband: Oh my god!! He is still celebrating......what a man!!

Homework on facebook

Teacher: Boy....where is your homework?
Student: Mam, please check on Facebook. I have uploaded a copy of it and tagged you.

Lion Roars Thrice, joke

Do u know what happen Lion Roars three times when you are in a room.?
.
.
.

.

Tom and Jerry cartoon starts..

Close The Eyes, joke

Girl: Darling you have changed...
Boy: Why do u say that?
Girl: You used to close your eyes when you kissed but you don't close them now..
Boy:..... Cause last time when i closed my eyes 100 rs was missing from my wallet

Tiger population is less, joke

Tiger: This bloody discovery channel's people are very irritating.
Monkey: why? What happened?
Tiger: They wont give any privacy for .......... then they say Tiger Population is
less in the world.....

Three hard things.......

Three most difficult things to do in the world

1: You can't count your hair.

 2. Your can't wash your eyes with soap.

 3. You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
 

 

Oh! amazing ..... you can
Now kindly put your tongue back inside.

On the lap, joke

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

looking from window, joke

Doctor: Did you look at your husband's face while kissing
Lady: Yes, Doctor .......I did and he looked so angry
Doctor: Why ??
Lady:
.

.

.

.
Because  ..... He was looking from window...

New simcard, joke

Woman Buys a New Sim Card Puts it in her phone and decided to surprise her husband Who is seated on the Sofa in the Living Room

She goes to the kitchen , Calls her husband with The new number : 'Hello Darling'

The husband Responds in a Low Tone :
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Let me call you back Later Honey, The Dumb lady is in the Kitchen

Commanding Jokes

"Dear this computer is not working as
per my command"..

Husband: "Darling
.
.
.
It's a computer not a husband.."

Lier Family, joke

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie!!
He decided to test it at dinner with his son....

DAD: Son, where were u today during school hrs
SON: at school (robot slaps son)
SON: okay, I went to the movies!
DAD: which one?
SON: Cliff Hanger....(robot slaps son)
SON: okay, i was watching porn!
DAD: what? Whn I was ur age I dnt know even wht porn was? (robot slaps dad)
MOM: hahahaha:- After all he is ur son!!!! ROBOT SLAPS MOM........
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....................

Google is searching.............jokes

A Boy searched in Google:
'What women want?'
.
.
.
.
.
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After some hours Google replied:
'We are searching too.....'

Clapping to Mosquito, jokes

A baby mosquito came back from 1st flying.
His dad asked : How did you feel ?

He replied : It was wonderful, everyone was clapping for me...

Shanta Jokes, cry without head

Once Santa was at the scene of an accident.
A man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh God!
Santa said:
.
.
.
.
"Control yourself. Don't cry.
See that man, he has lost his head.
Is he crying"?!!!!!

Justice Vs Just Kiss

In college , Girls are on strike

Boy are behind of Girls,

Girls : We want Justice, We want Justice

.

.

.

.

Boys : We want Just Kiss , We want Just Kiss

Sleeping at School

Teacher to Students

You Students must sleep atleast 7 hours per day.
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.
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Students:
Impossible Sir! School is only for 6 hrs

Technology Vs Sex

Wife: You do not know how to love..
Husband: if i do not know than have you downloaded these two kids from internet ?
Wife: no, they are the result of our neighbor's pen-drive...

Dad Vs Daughter

A girl was standing at bus-stop covering her face with a scarf.

A Passer-by: "HI SEXY!"

Girl: "DAD... its me!"

Love Vs Money

Boy&Girl in hotel
Boy:I LOVE U
Girl:i dn't love u
B:think again?
G-no
B:waiter,Bring seprate bills
G:I LOVE YOU..

Son without father

A guy went up to his father saying: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: That's great son. Who is it?

... Son: It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter.
...
Father: Ohhhh! I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.

The boy is naturally bummed out, but life goes on, and indeed, a couple of months later.

Son: Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!

Father: That's great son. Who is it?

Son: It's Angela, The other neighbor's daughter. .

Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister.

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: Mum, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them. Because dad is their father!.

The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whomever you want, He isn't your father"

God Vs Brain, jokes

Teacher : Can you see God?
Class : No
Teacher : Can you touch God?
Class : No
Teacher : Then there isn't a God! . . . .

Student : Sir, can you see and touch your brain?

Rocking Joke

Teacher: There are 10 apples in an Orange tree, 3 of guava plucked by me then how many banana are there? 

Student: Three elephants remaining sir......
Teacher: What an intelligent boy. How do you know?
Student: Because I am swimming now...

Moral: Brush your tooth always otherwise so many mice will come at your home!!!

Modern boys.....

Funny joke btwn father n son.....

Boy reached home very late at night

Father(angrily) : Where the hell were you?
Boy : I was at my friends house !

Father called his 10 friends

4 answered :"Yes uncle ! he was here with me"
3 answered : "He just left a little while ago"
2 answered : "He is still here and we are studying"

and the last one crossed all limits,
"Hello Dad ! I will be late at home"

Galz are Intelligent!!

Girl: With a salesman, In a book shop

Do u have the book named ''Girls r very Intelligent''?
.

.
Salesman:"The comedy section is on the right side.